Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
