He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
