You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
