why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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