I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
