She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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