Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
