I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
