just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
