we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
