She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
