A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize