As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
