you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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