I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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