finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
