We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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