i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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