Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
