Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
