1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize