Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
