If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
