Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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