see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
