Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize