Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
