Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
