so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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