So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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