just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
