Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
wow bdsm is so cute
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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