Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
