Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
