i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
