"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just pee around me
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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