he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
