I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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