i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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