Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
