FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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