In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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