why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
