Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize