It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
