I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
