white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
