So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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