first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My ass is underappreciated
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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