John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
