matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
