but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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