hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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