I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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