Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
