1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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