It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
