my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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