can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize