Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
