Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
