Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
