Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Randomize
